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5 Tactics for Overcoming
The Terrible Twos

I don't like the term terrible twos. Nor do I like any label for a child that anticipates a negative outcome. That said, I do have a two year old and I have experienced first hand the shift from angelic quietness and giggles to strong-willed no's in defiance of my wishes.

Toddler tantrums and parent-child disagreements are part of the journey and some of these moments can be more difficult to cope with than others. Nevertheless there are some things you can do to manage your emotions and in some cases the emotions of your toddler. Here are five tips for overcoming the "terrible twos".

You can turn the terrible twos in terrific times

Get ample amounts of sleep.

That goes for you and your toddler. Most parents can recognize when nap time is approaching because your toddler gets disagreeable or even rebellious.

Do yourself a favor and put them to bed and/or end your errands at the first sign of this "terrible two" behavior. It's time for them to get some z's and perhaps you too.

A lack of sleep in adults can create all sorts of problems with our physical and emotional health, so if you can't get 8 - 10 hours of sleep at night, do whatever you can to get in a power nap each day. Experts say a 10 - 15 minute power nap during the day can give you the equivalent of one hour of deep sleep at night.
Both mommy and toddler need play time.

Lack of sunlight can deprive you and your growing toddler of vitamin D and dampen both of your moods. Try to get at least 15 or 20 minutes of unprotected exposure to sunlight each day. During months with limited sunlight keep the blinds open during the day and talk to your pediatrician about supplementing with vitamin D.

For you however, playtime with your toddler is not enough. You also need time away to relax, journal or meditate and time to reconnect with loved ones or good friends. Reach out to those you trust to care for your little one and plan some consistent play time for mommy and/or daddy to avoid burn out.
Pick Your Battles.

Do you find yourself saying no out of habit rather than necessity? For example, if you find your child pouring water into the pots and pans you just washed (or some other harmless activity), do find yourself saying no without considering if their activity has any truly bad consequences?

If you find yourself saying no to avoid being inconvenienced, you could be expending more energy than you would by letting them continue. Besides most exploratory learning comes when you make a mess in the process doesn't it?

Next time you start to say no, ask yourself, "Is this really a bad thing or am I just trying too hard to control our environment? Is there a way that I could let him have what he wants without comprising an important value in our home?"

For example in the above instance, rather than saying no and stopping the water play, you could designate a specific area of the kitchen and allow her to play with two pots instead of six in order to contain the mess.

If you do decide to let your child enjoy the moment in way that works better for the both of you, you may find a bonus in the form of peace and quiet.
Avoid fights over moments your two-year-old dreads by discussing a reward that will come later.

For example, if your child hates putting on pajamas for bed, rather than announcing "It's time to put on your pajamas," try, "Johnny, after you get dressed for bed, would you like to read your favorite story or have a cup of hot cocoa?"

Your child's mind will go toward weighing those options. Meanwhile you'll probably have your child halfway into his pajamas as they come up with an answer.

This tip and tip #3 comes from an audio program I tried called Talking To Toddlers. I tried it hoping it could help me not have to resort to yelling when I got frustrated with my daughter's behavior. This audio program did help me come up with lots of ways to avoid unnecessary outbursts with my toddler.

It also helped me realize that it takes brainpower to "outsmart" a toddler; a challenge I'd like to think I'm capable of winning.

The author, Chris Thompson, covers more tools to avoid the terrible twos than I can mention here. In a 12 lesson audio program with lots of practical examples. You go at your own pace and pick and choose which methods work for you and your toddler.

In essence the program challenged my way of thinking in order to come up with more ways to let my toddler explore, learn and develop without comprising my most important principles as a parent.
Take a deep breath before reacting to your child's behavior.

Before responding to "terrible twos" behavior with a shout or letting your blood pressure rise (in a non-911 situation) ask yourself what you want to happen. (For example, you want your toddler to stop throwing his toys). Next ask yourself what your toddler needs to learn from this situation. (In this example, he needs to understand that he could hurt someone and that he needs to respect his belongings).

One truth that helped me manage my reactions to my daughter's behavior is my realization that all problems have solutions.

If your daughter breaks a DVD, you can buy or rent it again. If she hides something important, you will eventually find it or get a replacement. If she dumps extra ingredients into a recipe it will taste a little different than you planned, but (in most cases) you wont die. If her behavior contributes to your being late, you can call ahead or even reschedule an appointment.

You get the point, if you can take a moment before expressing your emotions you can often communicate what is truly necessary for your toddler to understand without getting loud or harping on a point for 10 minutes (they stop listening after the first minute anyway).

I was shocked the first time my toddler said, "mommy, it was an accident," with her hands up in the air. It let me know that she understood what she'd done was wrong. Her response also told me that she knew she could not, no matter how much I wanted her to, go back in time and make it not happen. With that I decided that I would no longer hold mistakes over my child's head once she realized her mistake and apologized. I'm learning to do this with myself too.

I hope some of the lessons I've learned firsthand help you to change your perspective on the terrible twos into an experience that is more positive for you and your toddler. At the end of the day, I believe taking the necessary time for rest and reflection help you cope better with any and every phase of parenting. Here's to more joyous moments during the two's, three's and so on and so forth.

Do you have toddler tips for overcoming the terrible twos that would be helpful for other parents? We'd love to hear them. Please share them here.

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